Coming to a Nursery Near You

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

What a crazy busy weekend.  On Friday night, Anthony, Libby & I attended a baseball game for the Hagerstown Suns, a farm team for the Washington something or others.  I don’t follow sports, although at least in baseball, I know how it’s played.  The night was simply PERFECT – not too hot, not too cool.  We watched the moon rise over the right field fence and enjoyed a very active game.  This was the first baseball game the kids had been to, and although Libby did get bored, Anthony seemed to really enjoy it.  Jimmy chose not to attend, so he & the baby dropped us off at the stadium and went browsing at Lowes & Home Depot before coming back to pick us up (an hour early LOL)  He got to see a few foul balls come flying over the bleachers.  Then the fireworks that were set off from the parking lot were pretty amazing.

Notice I’ve not included any photos?  Yeah – I didn’t take my camera because I had no idea we’d be so close to the field, and the fear that I’d get mugged.  Ok, I haven’t been to many games, so I chose to be safe   (get it? SAFE!)

Saturday morning was hockey practice for Anthony, then shopping for a birthday present for a party for Libby’s friend LIBBY.  Imagine 2 Libbys in one place.  Her & I went to the party at a local gymnastics gym and she had an absolute ball there.  She flipped over all the equipment (get it?) and really had fun with Libby.  Libby did, that is. I think.

I have pictures from that, but haven’t gotten them off the camera yet, because I suck.

Sunday was Anthony’s first hockey game of the season.  His team has 2 new players this season, and they only had 2 practices before Sunday’s game, and it was 97 degrees! (that was on the bank clock we saw on the way home).  They lost, but they played well and Anthony’s playing, in particular, has really improved, even if I do say so myself.  I’m still struggling with his ability to take a team sport and take all the blame onto himself when they lose – he just doesn’t HEAR me.   Also? How do you tell your kid it’s NOT cool for people to say rude things to each other, and then he gets taunted during the game by other people’s kids?  Not only by the opponent, but by another team when they’d finished their game and came over to distract the other game.  It really was obnoxious, and maybe a “teachable” moment – but when you’re trying to teach a stubborn teenager, it’s not easy.

Today, I’ve found myself in bed all day because of my stomach.  As is typically the case when I’ve done too much on the day before – which is typically on a Sunday – the Monday that follows has me in bed most of the day.  Besides the stuff outside the house, I also did laundry, gave the baby a bath, loaded the dishwasher – it was all too much for my stomach, I guess, because today it feels like I’m being repeatedly stabbed.  Good times.

But there’s my update. I’m sure I’ll be back in the week WITH pictures.

I describe this blog as my life blog. But it occurs to me that I haven’t posted much about life in a while, so I thought I’d catch you up – because I know you’re just dying to know, right?

I knew it.

I’m a psychic.

Yes, that’s psychic, not psycho, HEATHER.

Anyway, let’s see….

Well, Anthony starts 8th grade this week – that means for at least the last 9 years of his and my life, we’ve been homeschooling.  I deserve a freakin medal, I tell you.

He’s also starting his 2nd season of street hockey, so we start another very busy 4x a week schedule.

Libby starts 2nd grade, and has already taken on that air of annoyance whenever I mention SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY!!!

For some reason, I’m always so excited for school to start – but within a week or two, after enduring that AIR of annoyance from both of them for too many days in a row, I don’t like school anymore.

Zachary, although only 3-1/2, starts school too.  He’s already writing his letters and numbers very well (perhaps better than a CERTAIN sibling who’s 10 yrs older), knows his colors, shapes, etc. etc. in fact, he knows them so well, he rolls his eyes when I ask him.  SORRY!  So yeah, he’s starting preschool, basically – but it’ll be something!  He also writes some words, so I’m thinking I’ll take advantage of his enthusiasm while I still have it.

Jimmy just hit the 1 yr mark at his job.  That, in itself, is a miracle – especially given that he works for a brick company – which is heavily reliant upon the housing industry – of which there IS NONE.  They’ve laid off and let go of so many people that he’s worried he’s next – but the only thing to do is polish off the resume (a g a i n) and hope for the best. Yeah, because we’re *so* good at that, right?

Me – I’m still working on plowing through BLogHer stuff – I brought a TON of stuff home with me, and am slowly getting stuff put away – and bought – wow, the coupons for free stuff were amazing!  I’ve sorta kinda turned my way of thinking/eating, so I’m at least trying to be healthier.  I can only hope it lasts a little while.  It’s worth a shot I guess.

The main reason for this is that I’m all but positive that the borderline part of borderline diabetic has passed over the border.  I know the symptoms, I know the signs – and I know that I’m scared nervous and just a little bit pissed off with myself.

I also find myself getting depressed that the summer is clearly on it’s way out.  Although it’s been hotter than HELL here, to see the leaves starting to change and fall off the smaller trees is just… getting to me.  I don’t want another crappy winter – I thought we’d moved away from crappy winters – but it turns out, they followed us.  NOT COOL.

So that’s my update. I’ve got a cool giveaway starting today at my reviews blog – Dawniemom Reviews (original, I know).  Stop over, whydoncha.

I am only one of the 2,400 registered attendees that descended upon New York City this weekend to attend the BlogHer conference. That’s not including the hundred(s?) of exhibitors that were also there, the hundreds of hotel staff that were there, the hundreds of people there for other reasons.

As you might imagine, there’ll be hundreds of posts flooding the blogosphere this week about their BlogHer experiences, and I’m sure that I’ll write a recap soon.  But this post has been formulating in my head for days now, and now that I’ve finally gotten my blog software back into working order, I’m writing it, dammit.

I woke up early Sunday morning.  I snuck out of the room containing my 3 sleeping roommates and went to the lobby. I asked the bellman where I should go for breakfast (that wasn’t the hotel restaurant). He pointed me towards a deli around the corner.

I walked over, oogled over the incredibly low prices and ordered.  Scrambled eggs, ham, toast, homefries – $3.75.  Seriously!!!    Along with my coffee and a bottle of soy milk for it, I walked to a fountain outside of the hotel.  I ate my breakfast, sharing my toast with the sparrows.  I breathed in the quiet solitude of a 6am Sunday in the heart of midtown Manhattan.

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There have been a few times in my life where I’ve attended a gathering of like-minded people and have almost immediately felt at home. The days/weeks prior spent worrying about things like hair, makeup & clothes slip quietly away and you are immersed in a sea of LIKE.

When I attended the mini-me BlogHer Boston in 2008, I experienced that. I think that this year’s BlogHer in NYC will be like that. At least I hope so. 

I get that impression by the comments I’ve read on twitter in the last few days/weeks that I’ve spent stalking the #blogher10 twitter stream.  Mostly, these comments are in reply to a brand or a party that’s not invited them, but the comment is “I don’t blog for brands. I blog because I HAVE to” and “I blog to keep my sanity”. 

Those two comments have been seen more frequently than I would have expected.  THOSE are the reasons that I blog.  I have to write the things that are in my head, lest it explode from the pressure of trying to contain it ALL THE TIME.  I blog because some things just need to be expressed, even if no one reads it.

Of course, I love doing reviews and giveaways, but even when I don’t have any, I blog about my life, my depression, my kids, my relationship, my everything.  I have no idea how I would have managed these last 3-1/2 years, especially, without blogging.  Although my pregnancy was stressful and a little bit scary, being the mother of THREE WHOLE PEOPLE has been much more crazy-inducing than I could have imagined.  Of course, I couldn’t imagine my life without those three whole people, either.  I wouldn’t even want to. 

I am especially excited to go to Blogher this year because this year, so many of my favorite bloggers will be there as well.  People like

Elizabeth of Table 4 Five

Deb of Mom of 3 Girls

Shannon/akaMonty  of Brain Soup

Jane, Audrey & Sharon of Mom Generations

Kelby of Type A Mom

and of course, my ROOMIES!  These women are new to me bloggers, but I already can’t wait to meet them in person.  They are:

Jen of  Snickers Not Included

Silver of Silver Thinks

Jorja of Living Beyond the Pale

and

SherrieMae of Good Karma Baby

Of course, this is just to name a few of the THOUSANDS of women (and some men) who will be converging on New York City this week – and I know I’ll meet a LOT more of them, and probably more than a few will have the same feelings of nervousness and excitement and shyness that I do. But I DO hope that together, we’ll help banish those feelings, if only for those 3 days.

I think blogging is what brings us together.

I love my blogs – all 99 of them – and I hope to continue blogging for a long time to come – or at least until the crazy subsides.

As a mother, it is an innate duty of mine to protect my children.  Of course, I can’t protect them from every thing, seen and unseen, but I can try my damnedest, can’t I? 

I don’t take that responsibility lightly.  I try not to be the "helicopter" mom, hovering over my kids every second of the day.  Particularly when they’re in the house, I’m HAPPY not to hover.  But when they’re out & about, whether it’s in the yard or now, on the hockey rink, I’m … ‘mindful’ of them and their surroundings.  "Please step back from the brink of disaster" is my motto.  Ok, maybe not a motto. More of a constant soundtrack that plays in my head, but that virtually never leaves my lips.

I worry – CONSTANTLY.  Things seen and unseen crowd their way into my dreams.  I know, I’m a mother. It’s part of my DNA to worry.  I try not to let it get to *me* or them. 

It’s one of the main reasons why we decided to homeschool, way back when Anthony was a preschooler.  It remains one of the main reasons why we still do it. 

Anthony has LOVED hockey since he could walk, but has never played, for a number of reasons – accessibility being the main one. So, when I found out about the hockey league here in our county, I checked it out. 

This league offers two "seasons" a year for hockey. They play outdoors in 2 rinks and they play on inline skates.  Once I found out that it’s a "no check" league, which means they can’t purposely plow each other down like they do in the NHL, I was excited for Anthony.  Just getting him out and around other kids on a regular basis, I knew, would be beneficial for him. 

I made sure to get him the necessary equipment he needed, to protect him from the obvious things that can happen to anyone on skates.  Helmet – check. Elbow pads – check.   Knee pads – check.   Shin pads -check. ass pads, You name it, I bought it (I <3 Ebay!) and for the last eleventy-nine weeks, he’s played street hockey and made friends.  He’s taken a few falls, but overall, done WAY better than I could have expected after that first practice, when he looked like Bambi on ice.

 

The "socialization" aspect has gone well, as there are 3 other boys on his team, all brothers, that are also homeschooled, and they seemed to take a special interest in helping Anthony adapt, as well as skate and play well.  His team is in the playoffs, so obviously they’ve done well with their new, newbie teammate.

The problem with all of this is that, despite my very best intentions in letting him play one of the two sports I swore he’d NEVER play (the other being football), he’s so hypercritical of himself that even though he’s finally gotten to play his favorite sport, he’s so wrapped up in his head, I don’t think he’s even enjoying it. 

There’s been a couple of times that the other teams has scored as a result of something Anthony did.  Certainly not a ton, but a couple.  His team, to my knowledge, has never pointed fingers and did the thing I assumed they would, MAKE FUN OF HIM (unlike what would have happened in NH).  They’re all very supportive of him, no matter what’s going on – it’s all in HIS head – and of course, the talks him & his father have afterwards.  His father tells him what he could/should/ have done or whatever, and although I know Jimmy isn’t intentionally saying negative things ABOUT him, it’s what he’s hearing.  

At 13, it’s hard to take any kind of criticism.  Hell, at 43, it’s hard too.  But ME, on the other hand, just encourage him and tell him what a great job he’s done – and he really has  – and remind him that he can only play HIS best.   I told him last night, that no matter how the game goes tonight (game 2 of playoffs and the winner goes to the championship game this weekend), NO ONE would think less of him, that it’s just a game.

Right?

Wrong.  He doesn’t want to let his team down.  "again".  He’s so worked up about the POSSIBILITIES that he’s miserable.

I signed him up for this to help build him up – and instead, it’s pulling him down.  

I do NOT look forward to the outcome of tonight’s game because, win or lose, he’ll criticize himself.

Of course, he’s a winner in my book.  He shows up, he plays hard, he’s worked at bettering his skills as a skater so much so that now, I don’t worry about him falling so much as I worry about him crashing into something LOL 

So now I have to wonder if it’s worth putting him in the Fall season, when I know how much of an emotional toll the whole process takes on him. 

It’s hard when the mama bear can’t protect baby bear from himself.