Coming to a Nursery Near You

Archive for July 5th, 2009

I haven’t been able to write too much about what’s been going on in my life the last few months, mainly because I didn’t want friends & family to worry.  Looking through all of my blogs, though, you can tell when things changed in my house.  In April.  That’s when my world, as I knew it, fell apart. Or so it felt anyway.

When Jimmy & I met, and when I moved down to TN to be closer to him, it was never supposed to be forever.  It was 1) to get me away from my soon-to-be ex, because I KNEW if I stayed in RI, I’d wind up going back to him; 2) to have some ME time and really just to have some damned fun. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I got pregnant almost right away.  By the time I realized I was pregnant, Jimmy was already in trucking school and planning a career as a long-distance truck driver.  I had 1 friend in the Knoxville area. ONE.  A wonderful guy friend – my “net son”.  No one else.  Up until April, Jimmy’s parents didn’t know anything of me.  Once we realized I was pregnant, he slowly worked his way up to introducing me to them, etc.  But they weren’t my family – and so I made the decision to move back to RI to have the baby.  I needed to be near my family.  I knew I’d need my family’s help.  I needed to have a network of people who actually CARED about me. 

Jimmy decided to move to RI with me.  He was still doing the trucking thing, but once he had fulfilled his obligations, he realized he couldn’t do that and then risk missing out on his kid’s life.  In July of 1996, we moved to RI – stayed with my parents for a few weeks while we apartment hunted, and while he searched for a job.  I remember telling his mother that once the baby was here, etc. we’d move somewhere in the middle between RI and TN. 

I fully acknowledge that I was a different person back then.  As anyone will tell you, motherhood CHANGES you.  Your priorities change.  Your way of thinking changes.  Everything changes.

Jimmy was finally able to get a job working at a CompUSA, making $6 an hour.  We found an apartment and in October of 1996, Anthony Tyler was born.  But life on $6 isn’t easy, and we certainly didn’t have any extra. 

Over the next couple of years, we moved a few times, and although he did get raises, it was nothing spectacular.  Any time he had some time off, we’d go to TN, which would then drain any extra money we had.  I’m not saying it was frequent, but it was an expensive trip.

Meanwhile, my family would help us in any way they could – whether it was dinner at their house every night, or even bringing food to us.  They helped us get furniture as well. 

At some point, Jimmy started applying for, and getting, tech jobs.  They were temporary jobs, but they paid much better than retail.  It was money.  I was also working part time for a friend of mine who had his own internet service company.  We were managing. At one point, he applied for a managerial position in a new CompUSA store in Salem, NH and got it.  We lived in a hotel on the beach for 6 weeks while he worked that – but ultimately didn’t keep it.  We moved back to RI, but within a year, made the decision to move to New Hampshire. 

A friend of ours and her husband had been telling us how they could hardly keep up with the business they’d started, doing computer repairs, web design, etc.  We could do that!  So we moved to northern NH.

We didn’t do enough research on the area, though.  If we had, we’d have found out that there was no market for that stuff up here.  I had found a job at WalMart and worked full time at that, first as a cashier, then working in the grill.  In August of 2002, we found out we were pregnant with Libby.

I worked until a month before I was due, and then Jimmy started working at WalMart and I went on maternity leave.  He was making $7 an hour. 

Libby was born in April of 2003, and within 6 months, our landlords decided that our apartment was too small for us, and evicted us.  We didn’t have any money saved up – we had no where to go but to apply for subsidized housing here in town.  In October of 2003, we moved into the first subsidized housing of my life.   It was humiliating.  It was degrading.  Although we live in a beautiful area of NH, it is hard to ignore the less-than-stellar behaviors of the neighbors.  But we manage.  Jimmy starts applying for tech jobs and eventually gets 1.  Eventually, he leaves that and gets another.   Eventually, he leaves that and gets another.  That last one is the one that ended last year.

While on unemployment, he’s had several issues with the unemployment counselor.  One week, she’s telling him one thing.  Another week, it’s something opposite.   More recently, she told him that before she’d allow him to receive the extended benefits that the government approved of last year, he’d have to go apply at the local supermarket and Walmart – and if those turned him down, she’d consider other avenues.

On unemployment, he’s grossing over $9/hr.  Between that and the food stamps assistance we received, we were doing OK.  If he went to work at Walmart or the market, he’d be getting $7/hr.  We couldn’t possibly survive on that.

Jimmy’s unemployment (the first 6 months) ran out in May.  His counselor refused to renew him, but when he went online, he found he could do it there.  So he did.

When we got back from Virginia earlier in June, we had a note saying that he was renewed, and also a check.  He’s already missed 2 weeks.

2 weeks ago, he was called by the temp company in town about a job at a company in town, assembling boxes.  The job pays $8/hr.  He told them he’d take it, but if a tech job came along, he’d take that immediately.

The temp place informed unemployment that he refused the job – so unemployment shut us off.  Again.

At the same time, the state had been informed that he was back on unemployment – so they adjusted our food stamps – to 1/2 what we were getting.

In the meantime, we went back to Virginia and Maryland for Jimmy to start a new job that he’d been offerend during our first trip and then his subsequent trip.  Last Monday, he reported for work at a place just north of Washington, DC.  He was trained by the woman he was replacing.  The job was for webmaster.  The duties, he was informed, would be answering phones, taking payments and signing people up for classes.  HUH?

Also, the receptionist was doing the marketing work – and it was obvious that this guy was getting something for nothing from everyone.  Between that and the traffic and commute, it just was completely obvious that it wasn’t a good idea to keep the job.

However, the next day, he interviewed with another person – this time in West Virginia – and it went well.  The thing about these tech jobs, though, is this – they pay $20 AN HOUR.  How do you ignore that?  You can’t.  Now that we have 3 kids and no future here in NH, there’s just no way we can ignore jobs that pay that well, even if they’re in areas that take me away from my family again.

My therapist, though, brought up a good point.  Although I see my family a few times a year, I’m in constant contact with them over the phone and on the internet.  CONSTANT.  So I could live on the moon and still maintain that.  As well, the fact that we’d be making almost TRIPLE of what he would be making here – would mean we’d probably be able to afford to go to (both) our home towns more often.

My sister, when I was talking to her about this, asked me a  pivotal question.  What are you scared of?  My honest answer was, that I am scared that something will happen to my parents and I won’t be there for them.  But I suppose that can be said for where I am right now as well.  My mother had to have surgery – I wasn’t there.  My dad’s parents have died, and he’s had his own medical issues – and I wasn’t there – physically.  My sister’s marriage is blowing up – I’m not there.  So why then am I so afraid to make a move that will, more than likely, be a benefit to all of us?  Fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear that this will be just another disaster in a long line of them. 

When we were in Virginia last week, though, instead of being on the defense about it, I looked around.  The area itself is beautiful.  The weather is much more temperate than northern New Hampshire, obviously.  It was hot – definitely – but not nearly as humid as it is here.  oh, and the rents!  We went to look at a rental last week that was 3 bedrooms, living room with fireplace, full basement, big yard, tons of storage.  $885 a month!!!  For a HOUSE!  You can’t even get an apartment like that here.  Our apartment, if rented to normal people, would go for $1200+.

I’m just losing the fear, I think.  Of course, moving to someplace new is scary.  Moving to someplace new without health insurance is terrifying.  But I also know how to get myself into the system – when needed.  The same for my kids.  We won’t starve.  I won’t have to go without my meds.  One of the big plusses, too, is that I’ll only be 2 hours away from my best friend, instead of 12 hours! 

So we’ve made the decision – well, I suppose the decision has been made for us.  We’re going to move to the south, somewhere.  We haven’t figured it out yet.  He has to have a job before anyone will rent to us, but without having a place to live, it’s hard to get a job. LOL 

I know, mom, that you’re scared for us.  But I also know that no matter what, you’re there for me. Via phone, via internet, and seriously – if need be, by plane or car.  I love you.