a portrait I do not want
I’ve been thinking about this post for most of the week. “Portraits of a Mom” – is a blog blast put on by The Parent Bloggers Network & Portraits of Mom.com (& Microsoft) and perhaps it’s because I caught site of myself in the mirror the other day while cleaning that wretched bathroom, but it struck home. Am I the portrait of a mother that I thought I’d be? The gray hair, undyed, unstyled, uncut for more than a year? The old-lady-witch chin hairs, untamed by lack of time. The bags under the eyes, the AGE SPOTS? on my face, the crooked glasses, the extra 40 lbs gained since the birth of my son. Is THIS what motherhood looks like to me? Not really. I never really had much forethought about what I’d look like as a mom, but I am pretty sure this wasn’t it. I look old. I look tired. I look worn out, worn down, wrung out. I hate it.
My mother is the mother of 4. In the last 41 years, she’s worked at least one job, but mostly TWO jobs, in addition to having me, my brothers & sister. In addition to taking care of her sick mother. In addition to nursing my dad back to health a few times. In addition to nursing her dad back from strokes, heart attacks, cancer. In addition to losing her best friends. In addition to two divorces. She NEVER looked like this.
My grandmother – My Nana – she worked in a buckle factory. It was a minimum wage job. She worked all her life. In addition to having 3 children, plus 4 miscarriages. In addition to caring for an ailing spouse through most of their marriage. In addition to being a fabulous, caring, considerate nana to us. She NEVER looked like this.
Maybe the secret is that they worked outside of the home? Does that mean I should start looking for a job, just so I do not look like this? This is not the portrait I want my children to remember of me. This is NOT me. Or is it?
Now – THAT’S a Portrait of a Mom.
Quote of the Day:
A civilization is built on what is required of men, not on that which is provided for them.
–Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
