Coming to a Nursery Near You

Archive for January, 2008

gotta write an update post but I’m ok

to have the same surge of emotions to go along with the aches and pains, that I had after I had A BABY.  How is this possible? I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since I came home. Actually, before that really. Because Jimmy’s so completely emotionally withdrawn from me, I feel like I’m all alone again. And it sucks.  My breasts still are full and ache for my baby – I’m so close to just giving in and nursing him.  God knows, I won’t be getting that MRI done for a while anyway.  But he’s not an infant anymore. He wont’ just lay there and nurse.  He kicks, he crawls away – he’s a very active, nosey toddler.  I can’t even hold him for more than a few minutes at a time (no mom, I’m not holding the baby).  And what if I wind up back in the hospital – I’d have to take it away from him again. 

As anyone who follows my twitters know, I was off to see the surgeon again today because I’m been able to see the outline of the patch they used in my belly, and I’ve been running a fever, and … and … and… there’s always an AND, isn’t there.  Nothing is ever simple with me.  I can’t tell you how SICK I am of being overly emotional, and who do I manage to take it out on? Jimmy, of course (I can see my mother rolling her eyes from 201 miles away) but it’s true.  I don’t know how the argument started yesterday or how we got onto the HOT TOPIC that has always been us moving away from New England – but it got down and it got dirty – with me accusing him of waiting until I was an emotional and physical wreck before trying his arguments form moving just because I’m so beaten and defeated.  I know it’s not really true  -but it FELT true yesterday.  I’m so tired of fighting with him.  I KNOW he hurts, I KNOW his arm is killing him – but what am I supposed to do besides try to encourage him to get it taken care of? 

Well, the surgeon put me on keflex, an antibiotic and sent me for blood work.  They needed 3 tries to get a viable vein.   I have to go back on Friday.  I’m exhausted, I can cry at the drop of a hat, my belly hurts, my back hurts more.  And I know, I KNOW my mom would give anything she could to be back up here helping out – but she cannot afford to give up 2 jobs to do it.  She simply CANNOT.  She fought me tooth & nail to accept a check to cover what she missed for the 2 days she did come up here.  (She’s obnoxious that way).  I have to figure out a way to do this with just us.  I just don’t know how right now.

Ok, I was just over at WhyMommy’s blog and got some great news that you just gotta go see for yourself!  I’m so happy for her! YAY!

And can I just say how incredible it is for me to have HER cheering ME on during my so painfully minor little sniggle procedure just a DAY after she had her double mastectomy.  I mean, come ON people – you’d think she’d have something ELSE to do right now LOL  Her support means so much to me, so thank you so much, Ms. WhyMommy!

and no, you haven’t accidentally stumbled upon iambossy.com – she wouldn’t stoop this low LOL

This is where 3 children used to live. And an umbilical hernia – whose birth (actually it’s repair) brought forth the creation of ventral hernias I’ve named 1, 2 & Awwww, how pretty – it’s a lace pattern (said the surgeon – “it looked like lace” – it being my abdominal wall) Notice the supermodel belly button?

me either.

It’s chaotic, and not very restful, but I’m home.  My mom had to leavea bout an hour after I left this morning,b ut it had been such a GREAT thing for to have been here and take care of my family so I didn’t have to worry about them.  She is such a fabulous mom – she really is.  I know she’d like to have stayed, but she works TWO jobs 4 days a week.  She gave up those 2 days worth of income to come up here and being treated rudely by my daughter, and try to not step on anyone’s toes (Jimmy gets overly sensitive and emotional when I’m not around either) but this was definitely one of the better visits.  He didn’t complain about anything! LOL

She came up to the hospital last night and we spent a few hours abusing each other and amusing the nursing staff.  My mother picks on me MERCILESSLY, I tell ya.  She cheats at cards too.  Oh, and she stole the food right out of my mouth.   I’m abused, I tell ya.   And I’d be totally lost without her.  She’s my biggest defender and advocate.  She was the one who (literally) backed the nurse into a corner to ask her to change the bed that hadn’t been changed and had floor dirt on it from those stupid slipper socks they make you wear.  She was the one who had ot ask and ask again for the shower chair so I wouldn’t fall on my butt in the shower.   She nagged  reminded me to do the breathing machine thingie.  Oh and she took pictures to blackmail me with of my newest incisions. 

So I’m so eternally grateful that she once again, dropped everything in her life to come help me.  I know, I know – she’s my mom – it’s her job – but I still can be grateful, can’t I?

(Even if she burned the soup)