Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
As you may or may not have noticed, I am not always confident in my abilities as a parent. Most recently, this has been glaringly obvious to me that I am lacking something, somewhere because my two oldest children seem to HATE each other.
How is it possible that 2 kids with so many years between them can find so much to fight about?
I do blame alot of it on the stuff that they’ve picked up from other kids. But if I do not allow them out to play with other kids, they’ll be … I don’t know – stunted?
But it’s still really difficult to listen to my beautiful little girl tell her brother she hates him. Where did she even LEARN that? Outside. Where did she learn that kicking or smacking was an effective strategy for getting what she wants?
Anthony, by the same token, is all of a sudden enjoying his new "Freedom" that came with him getting his own room. So the whole "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" thing has come into play and it makes me NUTS.
They spend more & more time every day screaming at each other or coming to me screaming that the other one has done SOMETHING to them, said something, etc.
All I can think is that I’m doing SOMETHING wrong to either make them this way or not be able to STOP THEM from doing it.
I know what you’re thinking. ALL siblings fight, Dawn. I know that from first hand knowledge. My oldest brother and I fought like cats & dogs constantly. I remember calling my mother up at work frequently to tell her of the newest outrage. I am 28 months older than my brother – old enough to be IN CHARGE OF HIM, thankyouverymuch – and him being old enough to HATE that idea. The nasty words flew. He was smaller than me, but much more physical, so I’d have to run from him, hide behind a closed door – one that he (more than once) put his fist or foot through!
So I KNOW that all siblings fight. But OMG, I never thought it’d be like this for kids that have 6 years between them!
Hubby (from work) says "separate them – keep them apart" – yeah, OK – but this is alot easier said than done.
I know that Anthony needs space. One of the main reasons why we decided to split them up at night was because of that -he’s getting older, his body is changing, etc. and he doesn’t need to be co-sleeping with his 4 yr old sister any more. So into the other bedroom he went. But he’s taking this opportunity to distance himself from her more & more every day, and I don’t like that.
I suppose it’s inevitable that he’s going to develop more interests that do not include HER, but it’s hard to watch, too. Libby doesn’t know nor care about his changes – she just wants what she wants – WHEN SHE WANTS it – and that includes playing too roughly with the baby, or playing in what has always been The Play Room – which is now His Bed ROOM.
But OY – where are my earmuffs?
(hugs) we go through phases here too. sometimes they are the best of friends, sometimes they fight.
there are certain things I will NOT allow. saying they hate the other one, kicking, hitting, biting, other violence. those things have severe consequences (to my kids, taking away the tv and gameboys is severe)
we try to encourage cooperative play-like games–but darn, that takes MY time.
maybe do something to dd’s room to make it “special” so she wants to be there instead of in the old playroom….like a new bed set or one of those cool netty things that hang over the bed.
i’m trying to get mine to at least take a few seconds to THINK about what they are going to say before they say it….b/c they’re quick to throw a jab without thinkng how it will sound or if it’s hurtful.
it ain’t easy. again (hugs)
Thanks Karen – I don’t allow them say hurtful things like that either, but the 4 yr old just simply isn’t LISTENING right now, no matter what. It’s really frustrating. And neither of them are allowed to lay a hand on each other that is in anger.
of course, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen anyway – ugh!
Oh Dawn… I’m so sorry. I know siblings fight, but as a mom you feel so defeated by it. I wish I had some magic answer to give you b/c I feel so bad. I can only imagine how difficult it is. Please know we’re here if you need anything!
Fortunately I am able to use the “I’m calling the Supernanny” line b/c my kids are so little.
- Audrey
Dawn you’re the greatest of mommies I know you are because you love them so much. I tell you from time to time even my 10 year old and my 18 year old have words–who knew? So it isn’t just you. xoxo
“I am not always confident in my abilities as a parent”.
Oh Dawn join the club
I have just posted a post about my difficulties too
Dawn I think that when siblings tell each other they hate the other its caused by frustration.(im sure it is in my case and there is 10 years between my boys)
They I dont believe really mean it. You could try telling your daughter that God put her and her brother together in your family for a special reason. (My sister taught me this one with hr kids. I love it. I love her)
Also tell her how sad it makes you feel she says it
“GET OUT OF MY ROOM” thing has come into play
Oh I remember this so well even though it is years and years and years since it happened to my sister and I.
Have a rule that they cant enter each others room without knocking and waiting to be invited in.
If they barge in then they have to have time out in their own room
I agree with your hubby put them in their own rooms and tell them they have to stay there for 1/2 an hour and if they come out before the kitchen stove timer goes off youll start the time again for the person who came out
also use this when they do argue and fight
Dawn when I was a child I was a loner. This worried my mother. However I dont think it did me any harm. I would spend hours in my room alone. I also dont think it did any damage to my sister and my relationship. Theres 22 months between us.
I think believe and pray that your two would be like my sister and I we fought but if the other was in trouble we would always be there to support the other.
I also believe as adults some siblings get on better than they did as children living in the same house
Mybe
Oh girlie. I wish I had advice for you too. My kids are 2 years apart. Like steps. They fight like crazy. When I get fed up with them fighting, my reply to their bickering is “you guys go kill each other outside. I don’t want blood on the furniture.” Really, what can you do?
It must be the moon or something. I am in much the same spot. You are. Several others are as well. So, hang in there. Know that you aren’t alone. Maybe we should start a club. Oh wait, we wouldn’t have time for meetings anyway. Heh.
*smooches*
Oh lord, my two boys go at it all the time. One minute they can be playing so nicely together and the next, they’re either verbally assaulting each other, physically attacking each other, or both. And it’s usually over the dumbest things. Of course, it doesn’t help that they’re only 16 months apart in age, so they’re often competing for the same stuff or in the same game, on opposite teams (a situation we now try to avoid). We’ve tried to institute a “no retaliation” rule between them, but they’d rather risk getting in trouble themselves than walk away from a potential fight. Ugh. Isn’t this fun!!??
Dawnie, you are such a fabulous mother. All kids fight… it’ll come and go in stages, I am sure… just like it is with me and my hubby!
Just know that we all think you are amazing at parenting. Truly a role model!
Jane, Pinks & Blues
I hope it makes you feel better to know you aren’t the only one who feels this way. But it’s so hard NOT to feel this way.