My Definition
My writing assignment this week from my therapist is to write about the things I value in myself. She specified, though, that it cannot involve my children.
How is it possible to delineate the two? My children are what define me. Aren’t they? Motherhood has changed me. My husband actually made a comment once before about how I’d changed – I wasn’t the same person he’d met. Well, of course I’ve changed. I had children! I was transformed from mild-mannered martha to SUPERMOM!
Able to change diapers with a single hand.
Able to leap tall piles of clothes in a single bound.
Able to see through the little white lies and get to the truth, justice and the am… oh sorry.
Able to defend my children as fiercely as a mother lioness. That’s probably the best way to describe myself – my “new” self – a mother lion, protecting her cubs. I am always their biggest cheerleader. No longer able to just content myself with planning the day for myself or me & my man, I now contend with FIVE of us at any given time. Feeding, changing, teaching, correcting, helping, and always, always, loving.
How do I write about what I value in myself without talking about my mothering instinct? The way I know when someone’s not feeling well without them saying a word? The way I can hear the first wretch of a sick child long before their father does. The way I can distinguish a hurt cry from a crowd of kids and know it’s my child. Or a raised, alarmed voice. Or any of the other distinctions that my children make for me.
Perhaps the thing I value MOST in myself is that, on the whole, I am a Good Mother. I love my children, I do not berate them, wear them down in guilt, make fun of them or let them make fun of each other. I teach them about valuing other people, no matter what their differences. I teach them how to love Each Other, no matter how much they may drive each other crazy. I teach them about patience, even though I may not always have alot of it. I teach them to look at the world differently, and to have an appreciation for that world. “Don’t hurt that bush – it’s a living thing” and I mean it. “Leave that bug alone – he has a family too, you know.” And they remember these things. Because of me. I teach them responsibility – being responsible for themselves first and foremost.
Perhaps the things I value in myself will come when I’m not thinking about it. But being a mother is what makes me who I am. Motherhood defines Me.
This post is part of a group writing project at MamaBlogga – I just love writing things for her writing projects, because it always makes me stop and think! You can see the other entries at her blog.
TechnorTags: group writing, mamablogga, motherhood
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My writing assignment this week from my therapist is to write about the things I value in myself. She specified, though, that it cannot involve my children.
How is it possible to delineate the two? My children are what define me. Aren’t they? Motherhood has changed me. My husband actually made a comment once before about how I’d changed – I wasn’t the same person he’d met. Well, of course I’ve changed. I had children! I was transformed from mild-mannered martha to SUPERMOM!
Able to change diapers with a single hand.
Able to leap tall piles of clothes in a single bound.
Able to see through the little white lies and get to the truth, justice and the am… oh sorry.
Able to defend my children as fiercely as a mother lioness. That’s probably the best way to describe myself – my “new” self – a mother lion, protecting her cubs. I am always their biggest cheerleader. No longer able to just content myself with planning the day for myself or me & my man, I now contend with FIVE of us at any given time. Feeding, changing, teaching, correcting, helping, and always, always, loving.
How do I write about what I value in myself without talking about my mothering instinct? The way I know when someone’s not feeling well without them saying a word? The way I can hear the first wretch of a sick child long before their father does. The way I can distinguish a hurt cry from a crowd of kids and know it’s my child. Or a raised, alarmed voice. Or any of the other distinctions that my children make for me.
Perhaps the thing I value MOST in myself is that, on the whole, I am a Good Mother. I love my children, I do not berate them, wear them down in guilt, make fun of them or let them make fun of each other. I teach them about valuing other people, no matter what their differences. I teach them how to love Each Other, no matter how much they may drive each other crazy. I teach them about patience, even though I may not always have alot of it. I teach them to look at the world differently, and to have an appreciation for that world. “Don’t hurt that bush – it’s a living thing” and I mean it. “Leave that bug alone – he has a family too, you know.” And they remember these things. Because of me. I teach them responsibility – being responsible for themselves first and foremost.
Perhaps the things I value in myself will come when I’m not thinking about it. But being a mother is what makes me who I am. Motherhood defines Me.
This post is part of a group writing project at MamaBlogga – I just love writing things for her writing projects, because it always makes me stop and think! You can see the other entries at her blog.
TechnorTags: group writing, mamablogga, motherhood
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What does motherhood mean to you…
about 1 year ago - Comments Off
and can you fit it into a 60 second video? I am by NO means a fan of video cameras, particuarly with me in front of it – but for $30,000, I’m gonna plant my mug right square in the middle of one in the next few days because Huggies, in celebration of THIRTY YEARS of hugging baby bottoms, is looking for your videos on what motherhood means to you.
Yes, that’s right – $30,000! That’s what the grand prize winner will receive if their video receives the most votes. Time to dust off those address books!
Even if you don’t own a video camera, hop over to their website because they’re touring the country and if they come to a city near you, you can record your video right there!
Huggies will also select 30 videos from moms across the country to feature in their new commercials.
Here’s more -
About Generation Huggies:
Now through November 20, 2008, there are two ways for moms to create a video reflecting on “What Motherhood Means to Me.”
1. Videos can be uploaded to www.GenerationHuggies.com
2. Alternatively, moms can create a video on-site when they
visit a local Generation Huggies event.
3. Videos should be no longer than 60 seconds in length and
no larger than 5MB.
4. Everyone can participate by giving a hug, or vote, to their
favorite video through November 30, 2008.
5. Judging ends November 30, 2008.
Visit www.GenerationHuggies.com for the official sweepstakes rules and details. Entry is limited to one per day per person or e-mail address during the Sweepstakes Period. Void where prohibited; no payment or purchase necessary. The sweepstakes is open to legal residents of the 50 United States plus the District of Columbia, age 18 or older.
If you do create a video, I hope you’ll also post it on your blog – and please, feel free to come back and comment! I’d love to see everyone’s 
.
My thanks to Mom Central for the opportunity to share this with you.
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My choice for June Perfect Post award.
about 1 year ago - Comments Off
One of the best things about twitter is the fact that it connects you to so many people that are normally not within your realm. As such, I happened upon a blog post by Her Bad Mother last week that had my heart pounding in my chest and tears in my eyes, because I could feel her anxiety, her fear, her helplessness. As I read The Closer You Are to Fine, I became not just a fan, but one of her confidants. I became her friend, her sister, her neighbor. I wanted nothing more than to hug her and tell her that she’d be ok – and that her baby would be ok.
And you can manage the constricted heart and the withholding of breath until you get there, to the hospital, but once your baby – your tiny, tiny baby – has been stripped of his tiny clothes and is laying naked on the hospital bed – a vast expanse of cold sheet beneath his tiny frame – the machines looming, menacing, around him, you struggle. You crouch beside him, cradling his head and nuzzling his cheek, babbling whispers of love into his ear, willing him to not cry, to not squirm, to let this be over, fast.
That’s the stuff of great writing. That’s why I nominated Her Bad Mother for the June Perfect Post award, made possible by the Letter T, the Number 4 and the friendly folks at Petroville and Suburban Turmoil.
You can visit them to see more of this month’s Perfect Post awards, too. But before you do, seriously – go read “The Closer You Are to Fine” first (and then her followup).
On reading more of her latest blog posts, I’m coming to realize that I really wasn’t the only one who thought that breastfeeding wasn’t the easiest thing on earth (but pushed through it anyway, despite the pain), that being post-partum with a baby and other kids is really freakin HARD, and that life, in general, is harder with a new baby. Motherhood is hard. I wish her the best.
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Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
As you may or may not have noticed, I am not always confident in my abilities as a parent. Most recently, this has been glaringly obvious to me that I am lacking something, somewhere because my two oldest children seem to HATE each other.
How is it possible that 2 kids with so many years between them can find so much to fight about?
I do blame alot of it on the stuff that they’ve picked up from other kids. But if I do not allow them out to play with other kids, they’ll be … I don’t know – stunted?
But it’s still really difficult to listen to my beautiful little girl tell her brother she hates him. Where did she even LEARN that? Outside. Where did she learn that kicking or smacking was an effective strategy for getting what she wants?
Anthony, by the same token, is all of a sudden enjoying his new "Freedom" that came with him getting his own room. So the whole "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" thing has come into play and it makes me NUTS.
They spend more & more time every day screaming at each other or coming to me screaming that the other one has done SOMETHING to them, said something, etc.
All I can think is that I’m doing SOMETHING wrong to either make them this way or not be able to STOP THEM from doing it.
I know what you’re thinking. ALL siblings fight, Dawn. I know that from first hand knowledge. My oldest brother and I fought like cats & dogs constantly. I remember calling my mother up at work frequently to tell her of the newest outrage. I am 28 months older than my brother – old enough to be IN CHARGE OF HIM, thankyouverymuch – and him being old enough to HATE that idea. The nasty words flew. He was smaller than me, but much more physical, so I’d have to run from him, hide behind a closed door – one that he (more than once) put his fist or foot through!
So I KNOW that all siblings fight. But OMG, I never thought it’d be like this for kids that have 6 years between them!
Hubby (from work) says "separate them – keep them apart" – yeah, OK – but this is alot easier said than done.
I know that Anthony needs space. One of the main reasons why we decided to split them up at night was because of that -he’s getting older, his body is changing, etc. and he doesn’t need to be co-sleeping with his 4 yr old sister any more. So into the other bedroom he went. But he’s taking this opportunity to distance himself from her more & more every day, and I don’t like that.
I suppose it’s inevitable that he’s going to develop more interests that do not include HER, but it’s hard to watch, too. Libby doesn’t know nor care about his changes – she just wants what she wants – WHEN SHE WANTS it – and that includes playing too roughly with the baby, or playing in what has always been The Play Room – which is now His Bed ROOM.
But OY – where are my earmuffs?
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September Writing Project
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
Well, unfortunately, I didn’t win that coveted $30 g.c. but as I mentioned the other day, I really enjoyed writing my thoughts down about the definition of motherhood. The rest of these lovely moms also did, as there sure were alot of them! Take a minute or five and go read them, too 
- Thanks, Mom. by Papaya Mom (Congrats! She’s the winner) (*)
- Motherhood by Jo Hemmant
- Motherhood is… by Melissa Buker
- Motherhood Is by Elaine
- Motherhood Is… by Summer
- Dichotomy by Robin
- A mother’s brain cracked open by Shawn
- Motherhood is Fulfilling by Amber(homeschooldiva)
- in da ‘hood by stephanie
- Nothing prepared me for what motherhood is by Jen
- What Does Motherhood Mean to Me? by Neena
- My two jobs by Deb – Mom of 3 Girls
- Mother of Many by Donetta
- Motherhood- It’s not what you think by boogiemum
- Nostalgiancholy by swirlingnotions
- Mommy-ing by Phyllis Sommer
- Motherhood is a 10 Letter Word by warillever
- Motherhood Is. . . by Jennifer (JenuineJen)
- Motherhood Is/Means… by Amanda Regan (madamspud169)
- Motherhood – A To Z by Mama Zen
- Group Writing Project: What is Motherhood by Ursula
- The Top Ten Definitions of Motherhood by Kate
- Journey Into the Unknown by bellevelma
- If sweating gets rid of my impurities… by Jenn
- Motherhood Is… by Kymberlyn Steel-Fannin
- Motherhood is . . . by Christy
- Motherhood is an Emotional Rollercoaster by Believer in Balance
- Heaven In Her Smile by Michelle
- “Perfect” versus “Imperfect” by Michelle (beartwinsmom)
- Motherhood is a Marathon, Not a Sprint by Sunny
- The Many Faces of Motherhood by Lynnae
- Motherhood isn’t . . . by Jordan (MamaBlogga). Oh, wait, ME!
- Motherhood Is…Much Funnier After A Nap by Jenner
- I’ve Learnt So Much by Tiffany*
- My Definition by Dawn
- A Mother, Found and Filled by SingForHim
- “I Don’t Have Time For This!” by Lucy
- [late] Motherhood is. . .NOT about me! by Janean
Thanks to Jordan at MamaBlogga for doing this. I look forward to the next one!
TechnorTags: writing, mamablogga, motherhood, writing, essays
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Mommy Blogging 101
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
Wordless Wednesday people, please scroll
When I first ran across the blogosphere about 2-1/2 years ago, it was under another … “theme”, I suppose you’d call it. They weren’t mommy blogs. They were hmm… “couples” blogs. They were largely talking about their relationships, intimacy was a major thread, and you could expect to see expletives. At the time, I was very unhappy in my life and took to blogging with a vengeance and it really helped get those things out of my head that were there. I loved it and became quickly obsessed! I was always checking my stats, responding to comments and emails and looking at what others were posting. I became rather popular amongst that “circuit” and I enjoyed that status! I had regular readers who would always look to see what I was up to, and I had my favorites too.
Then I became pregnant with Zachary. My blogging on my (what I term) adult blog (because of it’s content – no I wasn’t posing nud_) slowly ground to a halt, and I began blogging about my pregnancy, and all the thoughts and feelings that went with that. Again, it was a huge help for me to get these things out of my head, and to write about everything gave me some perspective and I hoped, helped others as well. Some of my first posts were rather raw, because the idea of going through another pregnancy, and then these first few months following, was NOT something I was looking forward to. Then, he was here! and I was able to post about HIM! HIM! HIM! and of course, my miserable hormones and the (un)joy of getting breastfeeding started and not sleeping, post-partum depression, and you know, the whole FIRST MONTHS thing.
Blogging has been a lifesaver to me. It’s enabled me to connect with other people who are experiencing what I’ve experienced, or people who are much, much worse off than me, and that really has helped me gain some perspective in what I deal with. While I’ve never been one to keep a diary or journal, being able to type out my thoughts, feelings, questions and general ramblings has really helped me get through these difficult few months.
I feel better emotionally thank to blogging, time and zoloft. My family even comes here to read about what we’re up to, how I’m feeling and keep tabs on me. Sometimes, that concerns me because I don’t want what I write here to be compromised because they might take it the wrong way or whatever. In fact, I have a post in my drafts that I was “assigned” to write by my new therapist but I haven’t published it because I don’t want people to think I’m ready to slit a wrist or something. It was simply a writing assignment, and I fulfilled it. I may or may not publish it but either way, I hope that my friends and family will realize that it was something I just needed to write.
With all that being said, Deb over at Mom of 3 Girls has tagged me with a blogging advice tag. I think that initially, it was meant to help link back to everyone else who’d added their advice, but somewhere along the way, those links got unlinked – but I’m linking them back here.
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It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)
Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.
After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!
Just think- if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!
1. Look, read, and learn. **
- http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ***
- http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! **
- http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments. *********
- http://chattiekat.com/
5. Link liberally — it keeps you and your friends afloat in the Sea of Technorati. *****
- http://chipsquips.com/”
6. Don’t give up – persistence is fertile. **
- http://www.velcro-city.co.uk/
7. Give link credit where credit is due. *******
- http://www.sfsignal.com/
8. Pictures say a thousand words and can usually add to any post. *****
- http://scifichick.com/
9. Visit all the bloggers that leave comments for you – it’s nice to know who is reading! ******
- http://stephaniesbooks.blogspot.com/
10. Make a blogger template unique: change the background colour, or add a background picture to your header. *
- http://chris-book-a-rama.blogspot.com/
11. Write positively even if the situation is seemingly negative — spread joy and not gloom. You can do it!**
- http://www.aliceteh.com/
12. When you find something that interests you, write about it. Sharing yourself with others is one of the best things about blogging.**
- http://jhthomas.blogspot.com/
13. Start draft posts to capture ideas for future posts, so you don’t lose track of them.*
- http://charmingdelightful.blogspot.com/
14. Be helpful to new bloggers. Remember when you first started blogging and didn’t know how to post a link? Or was that just me?*
- http://islandlife808.com
15. If you have a question about blogging, don’t be shy, go ahead and ask. There are so many bloggers happy to give you help if you need it.*
-http://www.arewethereyetmom.com
16. Remember that blogging is a community – don’t be afraid to comment on the blogs you read. Reach out and make new friends, you’ll be glad you did!*
- http://debmomof3.blogspot.com
17. Participate in the community. Throwback Thursday, Wordless Wednesday, Friday Fun, blog blasts and the hundreds of others meme-style activities can help spread your blog and you out to so many more people than just waiting for people to find you through other people’s links! -dawnandjimmy.us/blog/
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Here’s my tag list: pinksandbluesgirls.com, jameeforever.blogspot.com, queeniesplace.com, wipingupsnot.typepad.com/wiping_up_snot/, pediascribe.com, pregnantlyplump.com/blog/, shooshoofly.blogspot.com, adayinthelifeofangel.wordpress.com, aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com, annnnd brewerfamily8.blogspot.com
I hope you enjoy!
TechnorTags: memes, blogging, depression, ppd, babies, linky love, pinks and blues, wiping up snot, queenies place, jamee forever, pediascribe, shooshoofly, a day in the life of angel, a week in the life of a redhead, brewer family 8, pregnancy
Wordless Wednesday people, please scroll
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Momtuition
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
I’ve talked before about having some weird, intuitive feelings about things that were about to happen, and although I don’t always recognize that that’s what’s going on, I’ve tried hard to really LISTEN to them when they happen.
It happened yesterday and I didn’t listen, and although it wasn’t a bad thing, I still am left to wonder.
If my ex-husband does read this, I hope he will not take offense, as the feelings I had were not specifically about him, but rather his actions on the whole. Because he is not a parent, I doubt he can possibly understand mine or my husband’s position on this.
Now, for the explanation.
My ex-husband, who is *not* the father of my children, is up visiting NH. He is single, has been for the nearly 12 years that we’ve been divorced. We’re still friends, and so I know for a fact that he hasn’t even dated in that time.
During that time, he’s spent his vacations and other time off with nieces (he has no nephews), including my brother’s oldest daughter, as well as his step-brother’s kids. He takes them places, and is in general, a fun, generous uncle.
Gradually, though, they’ve all grown older and have sort of “moved on”. This actually started with my youngest brother & sister when we were married. We spent tons of time with them because we had no kids of our own.
Anyway, he’s up here visiting. And because we have Zachary now, I’m not really in a position to do the things that he came up to do (water park, hiking, etc. ) so he’s asked to take Anthony with him to do various things. He took him bike riding yesterday in the town’s cemetary (because it’s safe) and that’s when my momtuition kicked in. He’s never said or done anything even remotely icky, but the whole situation just had my hackles up. I mean – he’s alone, with my 10 yr old son, in a place that’s FULL of … places to hide? I guess. I don’t know – maybe it’s just my imagination in full force, but I just had an icky feeling the whole time they were gone, and was very grateful for them to be back.
Today, he wanted to take Anthony hiking with him up a not too serious mountain. Again, my ick factor raised to RED and I just didn’t like the idea. I spoke to hubby via IM and he wasn’t either but was leaving the decision to me (but with the addendum that if something happened to Anthony (mountain lion, cliff, etc), that ex-hubby would DIE.
Greeeeat.
So, I finally came to the decision that I just didn’t like the idea. But I didn’t want to offend the ex-hubby, because he’s really done nothing to warrant this kind of ickiness. So I said that my stomach is still bothering me from last night, and that hubby didn’t want me left alone with the other two in case something got worse. Anthony was mad, but he seems to have gotten over it. Ex-hubby left to go hiking. End of story, right?
Or is it?
I was out in the garden with Libby and it occurred to me that we’d never talked to Anthony about what he should do if someone WE KNEW did something that made him feel weird, icky, etc. Probably because I want to shield him from that, and he’s homeschooled and doesn’t get around many people for any kind of extended time, it’s just never been an issue. But all the WHAT IFs floated around in my brain while I was weeding, and I finally had to bring it up with him, without pointing a finger at the ex at the same time. I just explained that if someone did try to do something that made him feel weird, or anything, to get away and then tell me or his dad, NO MATTER WHAT the person says. Again, it was hard to do without pointing a finger or naming names, and just to keep it general and light, but I hope I managed.
His response was, rather indignantly, “I know, Mom” and that was it.
What would you do? Would you let your pre-teen go hang out with a 40 yr old man? Am I being over-protective/over-cautious? Am I letting prejudices get to me? Or is my momtuition a finely tuned machine, protecting my kids from unseen, and possibly real danger?
Should I up my zoloft? ROTFLMAO
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Catching up
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
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He leaned over to see my other kids behind my laptop monitor, and fell asleep I ididn’t want to post this pic because I look horrid, but I just loved him in it.
Please Scroll down for today’s Wordless Wednesday entry I blog so much during the week about the stuff that’s happening around blogland, like awards, contests and photo things like Wordless Wednesdays, Throwback Thursdays, Photo Hunters… I wind up not wanting to clog up the blog (heh, I’m a poet) with other stuff, like how I’m doing, and what Zachary’s doing. But Zachary’s the reason why I started this blog! LOL On Friday, my littlest guy turns 5 months old. It just blows me away that it’s already been 5 MONTHS – 21 weeks, to be exact, since he was brought from my body and placed onto the french-fry warmer (heh), where he just lay there, taking everybody in – despite their attempts to make him cry, he just looked around and peed. LOL And here he is, 5 months later – just taking everybody in, and despite his sister’s attempts to drive him crazy, just looking around.. and peeing. LOL He’s such a gentle, sweet baby. He is snuggly and warm and just melts my heart whenever I look at him, even at 3am. Here’s what he’s been up to!
As for me – I’ve been taking the stronger dose of Zoloft for a few days now. I haven’t noticed any major difference from this and the lighter dose except it makes me tired faster. If I take it at 7:30pm, I feel it hit around 9:00. I do notice, though, that even though I still get aggrivated, I don’t get as ANGRY, and that’s a big plus for me. BIG. Because the anger is what was scaring me most. I also have more energy, which is also much appreciated. I’m still having rough days, though, so I’ve decided to try and find a therapist to talk to – see if I can work this out. Hubby & I decided not to go to RI this weekend, because we got a notice on Friday telling us of yet ANOTHER apartment inspection scheduled for next week. The notice states that not EVERY apartment will be inspected, but that it’ll over a 5 day period – and we’re expected to clear out any clutter, make sure exits are clear, etc. Well, our exits are clear, but we have THREE KIDS – and three kids worth of STUFF. I’m not really sure what the hell we’ll do with it all, but we need the weekend to get ready for it, JUST IN CASE they come in. It really sucks, because I’d gotten all excited about getting to see my parents and brother and my baby sister, who hasn’t even MET Zachary yet. So we’ll spend our anniversary (Monday) at home, instead of on the beach, where we’ve done so for the past few years. We’re planning on going to RI the following weekend, so hopefully the weather will cooperate. My brother, who in addition to being some muckity muck at the bank he works at, is also a performer and wants us to come see him. We’ll see. Oh, and I got my iPod! Shuffle that I won from Parent Bloggers Network. I’m such an old fart, though, I only have like 30 songs on it LOL So I guess that’s as good of an update as I can for now. |
Last night, I tried him on just plain old pears and he liked them! Of course, if he had his way, he’d be Tags: kids, babies, zoloft, depression, milestones, blogging
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Updating
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
So as a few of you have noticed, I was one of the chosen ones. LOL I’m psyched. Writing that rant for Parent Bloggers Network was fun! I also have to say that I received my prize from Pinks & Blues Girls last week, and although I haven’t tried the Baby Cakes lotion yet, the itty bitty rubber ducky was a BIG HIT in my house.
I finally found the … motivation? to talk to hubby yesterday about taking the Zoloft. I asked if he hated me. No, I didn’t really THINK he hated me, but he sure was acting like it. He’d actually gotten up in a better mood yesterday, so I really didn’t want to ruin it, but he also needed to know that I was taking this medication!
I told him I needed to know if this was a deal breaker. I told him some of the scary thoughts I’d had. He still insists it’s because the kids are stuck in the house all day, I am stuck in the house all day – it’s stressful for everyone, so this will happen. He feels that in 30 days, I’ll realize it’s not really a wonder drug that I think it is, and that after that, if I still continue to take it, he’ll be pissed.
Have I mentioned he’s rather close-minded?
So I did take it later in the day yesterday, hoping that if it did make Zach tired, it’d be at NIGHT when I NEED HIM TO SLEEP. I took it at 5pm. It started affecting me around 9. I went to bed, fed Zach at 10. He was up 3 freakin times between 10 & 6. SO much for a sleepy baby! I was up from 3:30 because I couldn’t shut my mind off, even though I was TIRED. I know, I need to give it time for my body to adjust, but this is frustrating, knowing I’m going to be UP ALL DAY, with no break, and so little sleep. I did manage to go back to sleep from 5:30 till 7:30, so hopefully that’ll help. I feel like I’ve run over by a truck, though. Of course, the t-storm that we woke up to doesn’t help, either.
But, anyway – at least we’re talking… and I hope that this works.
oh, and don’t forget about the Recipe Carnival I’m hosting next week! Be sure to send your permalinks to your BBQ recipes to dawniemom at gmail dot com by July 12!
Technorati Tags: zoloft, depression, babies, lack of sleep, contests, ipod, zenmomma, pinks & blues girls,
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Please help
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
I found this today on The Parent Bloggers Network and went over to see what was what.
Now, I sit here crying because this woman has to deal with so, so much right now. I can easily put myself into her shoes through her writing (especially this post.
She doesn’t want pity – although I can’t help but feel so bad for her. Perhaps it’s because I’m back in my dark place and my emotions are very raw again. I am finding it hard to even fathom what I would be like in her shoes, but I know she’s handling it a hell of a lot better than I ever could.
My nana had breast cancer – and she kicked it’s ass. My mom has had to have a breast biopsy because of something rather disturbing growing in there. I simply wait in line for my experience … but I simply CAN NOT FATHOM doing it while nursing my sweet baby boy.
And although it’s a day early, I’ve also nominated her for the June Perfect Post award (offered by Surburban Turmoil & MommaK), because it did make me cry… and not much usually does that – except for the two child death posts that I read on Friday *and I can’t go there*.
So please, grab this and put it on your blogs to show support for Team WhyMommy and then go over there and offer her some encouraging words in her comments. She needs them.
Thank you.
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disappearing binkies
about 2 years ago - Comments Off
I got 3 hours of sleep last night. Tell me how a 4 month old baby can make a binky DISA-FREAKIN-PEAR in the middle of the night. TELL ME. Also, tell me WHY I chose to drink that iced coffee with lunch yesterday. Because I am pretty sure that that’s WHY I only got 3 hours of sleep last night. No, the caffeine didn’t keep *ME* up… but it most assuredly kept Zachary WIDE-EYED-AWAKE and babbling. He didn’t go down for the night until midnight. (and I haven’t mentioned it here, but MY BOOBS HURT again, dammit, and I have no idea why.) He got up again at 3. I stumbled out of bed and popped the binky into his mouth (just to hush him up while I went to the bathroom – like I always do). Then upon my return from the bathroom, I picked him out of his basinette and proceeded to nurse him. Only, he didn’t go back to SLEEP. He was sleepy, though, and normally, giving him the binky and rocking him a little does the trick.
The flarkin binky was GONE. It wasn’t in the bassinet. It wasn’t on the floor. It wasn’t in my bed. It wasn’t in the BUCKET. It was NO WHERE. I checked under him, I checked under MY BOOB. I checked EVERYWHERE. Hubby woke up… I checked under him.
Nowhere.
The magically disappearing Binky. dammit.
By 4, he was sleepy enough that I could put him in his bassinet and sneak back into bed. At that exact moment, the little blond-headed girl came weepily into the room, explaining that she was scared. “I’m scared, mama.”
me too.
So, I drove her back to her room, sat next to her and gently rubbed her back, willing encouraging her to go back to sleep. Then the baby started fussing again. Go back to my room to pick up fussing baby (so as not to wake up big, sleepy, grumpy daddy) and little blond-headed girl followed me back.into.the.room.
Ok – go crawl in with daddy. Me, rocking baby boy back to sleep.
Ahhhh… shhhh – both asleep again.
Sneak into the play room, where we have the mattress that was to become her bed, if she’d ever actually sleep in a bed BY HERSELF. no blanket, but there’s a pillow. Yay. I go into the hallway, reach into the linen cave closet and pull out what resembles a blanket.
It’s an infant afghan.
Well, that’ll work – crawl into the playroom, slip into unconsciousness.
For 20 seconds.
Then the woman NEXT DOOR’s alarm went off. Because the windows were open, I could hear it… beep…beep…. Flarkin BEEEEEEP. I dared not climb over the 50 bajillion vcr tapes that have become my children’s play toys to actually close the window, SO I gave up on the fantasy of sleep. Came downstairs with my trust lap top, made a sammich, some coffee and began my blogging day.
I KNEW it was going to be a really crappy day. I KNEW it – because on 3 hrs of sleep, I KNOW ME.
And then…
My heart stopped. I was following links here & there, coming up with “winners” for my previous awards post and somehow, wound up here… And my heart. just. stopped.
To even begin to understand this family’s pain. My heart began beating again, but it aches so bad for this family. These parents. How the hell do you go on?
So today isn’t going to be a crappy day. I’m going to put my computer down, pick up my babies and enjoy the day. I don’t know what we’ll do, but I’m going to try my hardest to not yell, not bitch, not grumble, despite my exhaustion, because damned if I will let what could always be my child’s last moment be one of my “problem” days.
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about 2 years ago
Dawn,
This is a beautiful post. You are such an amazing mother. You truly are. I’m telling you, in just the time I have gotten to know you through the blogs, I have just been so impressed with your mothering and the absolute love you have for those beauties!!
- Audrey
about 2 years ago
It really is almost impossible to think of myself outside of being a mother.
Thank you so much for participating once again!
about 2 years ago
Well said! I can’t imagine trying to define myself without mentioning my kids. Motherhood is so much a part of who I am!
about 2 years ago
Very true-being a mother is synonymous with who I am, too.
about 2 years ago
I truly loved this post on so many levels! It really is difficult to separate out and define yourself apart from motherhood – I don’t think I could do it either. I love, love, love how you teach your children – you are a beautiful mother. And I so deeply identify with that mother lioness feeling – I often have a hard time dialing that one down a few notches! Thank you for sharing your most excellent thoughts!
about 2 years ago
WOW WOW WOW and to think i am the proud momma of this special person. I can not say how very proud i am of you my daughter you never cease to amaze your momma. I love you. Thank you for turning out to be one of the most amazing people i know (except your nana) ha ha. You truly are amazing. Love DaMomma
about 2 years ago
Beautiful post. There is nothing better to be defined as IMHO. It is the thing I am most proud of becoming. Not because I had children (like that somehow makes me better than those without) but because of who I’ve become as a result of having children. The change I have gone through is remarkable. I love this post.
about 2 years ago
Great post! I think it would be hard to ever not define myself without including my kids. They change who we are!
You sound like such a great mom.
about 2 years ago
Ok, OK. I admit it. It defines me too.
about 2 years ago
This was EXCELLENT. Very good post. And, um, me too.