I’m here, really
So the B12 thing doesn’t seem to be helping. I’m trying to eat better, and get out of the house, but nothing seems to make a difference. I’m indifferent to everything. I just spent the last day & a half on a new blog and that seemed to help at least make some different parts of my brain work beyond the “what’s for breakfast, lunch & dinner” mode.
The sun hasn’t been out in days & days. It’s not gonna be out for at least another few either. The weather just sucks the energy that I do have, right out.
I did walk last night and it felt good, but my stupid foot kept cramping. My daughter is, yet again, stomping on my last nerve daily.
Truly, the only thing that’s made me smile in days is Zachary. He’s growing and changing so quickly. He reaches for my hair and face, and grabs a hold of anything he can get. He smiles as soon as he sees me now. I had to come home from WalMart last night because he wouldn’t settle down for hubby but as soon as I came home, he was asleep in minutes. Most times, that’d be annoying, but now it just feels good to know he knows *ME*. I’m not just the cow anymore. His smile beams, and he sort of curls up in a soon to be giggle and my heart soars.
Unfortunately, my patience is so completely lacking with my other two. My best friend is going through a really hard time right now too, which is also dragging me down because I can’t help her.
Mother’s Day was nice… at least it should have been and would have been if I wasn’t in this damned funk. Hubby & kids spoiled me with presents, and what did I think about that? I Felt bad because it seems like he/they feel the need to BUY stuff for me because I’m so materialistic. He insists that’s not it, but it was the thought that ran through my head like an electrical current all day and night.
I got this: 
Yes, that’s one GINORMOUS crab claw, which was attached to a COLOSSAL king crab leg. I also got this:
A beautiful tri-color gold necklace which my son explained was 1 heart for each kid. But then he had to go on to say that my daughter’s should’ve been last, (he was mad at her), but it hurt my heart for him to say that – as if she was less-than he or his brother. I explained to him very quickly that she’s just as important as they are, etc. but it stayed with me the rest of the day too. Perhaps it was made worse by those feelings I was having but I knew it was related to her. The next day proved me right.
They also bought me some beautiful potted flowers, and some rather random things (which fed into the whole “Let’s just buy her stuff and that’ll make her happy”) – a HDTV television antenna … we don’t have any TV stations around here, but he figured we’d try and see if it’d pick up any stations from elsewhere. Oooook.
And a rack of babyback ribs -yeah, those totally weren’t for him, right 
They also made me this card:
(This is my oldest son’s eyes)
(click to enlarge to see hubby’s message and daughter’s drawing)
(message from son)
(daughter’s & Zach’s eyes)
It was a nice day, really. I just couldn’t accept it as just a nice day. WHAT is wrong with me?? 
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So the B12 thing doesn’t seem to be helping. I’m trying to eat better, and get out of the house, but nothing seems to make a difference. I’m indifferent to everything. I just spent the last day & a half on a new blog and that seemed to help at least make some different parts of my brain work beyond the “what’s for breakfast, lunch & dinner” mode.
The sun hasn’t been out in days & days. It’s not gonna be out for at least another few either. The weather just sucks the energy that I do have, right out.
I did walk last night and it felt good, but my stupid foot kept cramping. My daughter is, yet again, stomping on my last nerve daily.
Truly, the only thing that’s made me smile in days is Zachary. He’s growing and changing so quickly. He reaches for my hair and face, and grabs a hold of anything he can get. He smiles as soon as he sees me now. I had to come home from WalMart last night because he wouldn’t settle down for hubby but as soon as I came home, he was asleep in minutes. Most times, that’d be annoying, but now it just feels good to know he knows *ME*. I’m not just the cow anymore. His smile beams, and he sort of curls up in a soon to be giggle and my heart soars.
Unfortunately, my patience is so completely lacking with my other two. My best friend is going through a really hard time right now too, which is also dragging me down because I can’t help her.
Mother’s Day was nice… at least it should have been and would have been if I wasn’t in this damned funk. Hubby & kids spoiled me with presents, and what did I think about that? I Felt bad because it seems like he/they feel the need to BUY stuff for me because I’m so materialistic. He insists that’s not it, but it was the thought that ran through my head like an electrical current all day and night.
I got this:
Yes, that’s one GINORMOUS crab claw, which was attached to a COLOSSAL king crab leg. I also got this:
A beautiful tri-color gold necklace which my son explained was 1 heart for each kid. But then he had to go on to say that my daughter’s should’ve been last, (he was mad at her), but it hurt my heart for him to say that – as if she was less-than he or his brother. I explained to him very quickly that she’s just as important as they are, etc. but it stayed with me the rest of the day too. Perhaps it was made worse by those feelings I was having but I knew it was related to her. The next day proved me right.
They also bought me some beautiful potted flowers, and some rather random things (which fed into the whole “Let’s just buy her stuff and that’ll make her happy”) – a HDTV television antenna … we don’t have any TV stations around here, but he figured we’d try and see if it’d pick up any stations from elsewhere. Oooook.
And a rack of babyback ribs -yeah, those totally weren’t for him, right
They also made me this card:
(This is my oldest son’s eyes)
(click to enlarge to see hubby’s message and daughter’s drawing)
(message from son) (daughter’s & Zach’s eyes)
It was a nice day, really. I just couldn’t accept it as just a nice day. WHAT is wrong with me??
Empty ad slot (#1)!
Empty ad slot (#1)!
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